Hold your breath the worst is yet to come
by Lilycharmer359
Summary: When the worst happens, life can only get better, right? Wrong, that's fantasy this is real life. Used to be called A Tale of Something Gone Wrong.
1. It starts

Disclaimer- even though I've only done this like once it already seems to be annoying. I am not the great J.K.R. I only pretend to be at school (jk).  
  
Summary- Lily's life isn't exactly perfect but it might be when someone comes along to make everything better. Chapter One-  
  
I had rubbed my skin raw, but it was no use. The feelings remained, as did the self- revulsion. I could only imagine what the people at school would say once they heard. The gossip would spread faster than wildfire. I would be known as the school slut, the school tramp. There was no going back now. All I knew was that there was one way to avoid it all. Only one.  
I approached the vanity in my bathroom and slid open the draw. Sitting there gleaming in the dim light lay a razor. The silver blades glinted beckoningly at me. Trembling I reached my hand inside to grasp the handle. Taking a deep breath I applied a slight pressure to my wrist with the blade.  
Pausing, I considered what I was about to do. The should I, should I not, debate raged in my head. Finally reaching a decision I pressed harder on the blade. Before I could cut deep enough though, I heard a voice in my mind saying "If your not sure, always ask for a second opinion or if your to afraid then don't do it at all. Decisions made in haste will be the downfall of us all." "Mother" I whispered. As tears began to flood down my cheeks, the razor slid from my grasp and I fell to the floor beside it. Wrapped only in a white towl I began cry even harder as I remembered the woman who had always been there for me. "Why did you have to go? Why did you have to die" I sobbed. At 17 years of age I missed my mother more than anything. Whenever I had a problem she could solve it, or whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on she offered hers. With hugs and kisses she had always been there to chase the big bad monsters away as well as anything else that had dared to bother me.  
  
Until a year ago, she had remarried three years ago to man named Arnold Regala; she had been the structural pillar of my foundation and the place where I could anchor myself in a time of need. At 6'3 Arnold with his midnight black hair and romantic smile that made most women swoon, had swept my mother off her feet and placed her gently in the stars. I too was enchanted with the man who could make my mother lower her defenses. All the years following my fathers death she had always been cold and distant towards men, refusing, to so much as go out on a date with them. So I was amazed when he asked her if she would marry him, and even more amazed when she said yes. With tears in her eyes she asked if I would be the maid of honor.  
Squealing with delight I enthusiastically agreed. Arnold had always been kind to me and had brought me candy whenever he came by the house. The wedding had been beautiful and my mother even more so, with her face alight with happiness. During the honeymoon I had gotten to stay with my best friend Jessica. When I went back to Hogwarts during my fifth year I was convinced that I had the most perfect family. When I came home two years later at the end of my sixth year however, I learned how wrong I had been. Standing there to greet me was Arnold. Nothing drew my suspicions up about this though as he had come with my mother last year to pick me up.  
He wore a welcoming smile on his face and I wrapped my arms around him in a hug. He squeezed me tightly and asked, "How was your school year?" "Great" I answered enthusiastically. He laughed gently at my excitement, which was not to be present within me for a long time. I froze when the next question that passed his lips fell upon my ears. "Where is this boarding school of yours, by the way? Your mother never told me." With ice running in my veins I stuttered "I I'm not sure. Somewhere in S- Scotland I think," Laughing again at my stuttering he opened the car door to let me in. Relieved I slid gracefully into the car but it was not to be the safe haven that I had thought.  
  
REVIEWS are an authors best friend so that you can tell us when we suck. Thanks in advance for all those who read!!!!!!!! Yeah I love reviews. 


	2. revelations

Disclaimer- again I am so NOT j.k rowlings. And even if I was why would I tell you. But please use common sense if I was her I would be out spending all of my money and dating all of the hot guys.  
  
Chapter Two (for those of you who bother to read)-  
  
After Arnold had slid in and shut the door, he grabbed my jaw in his fist. Whipping my face around he shouted, " Now listen here you freakish bitch. Your mother told me all about this crackpot shit you get up to during the school year. Turning mice into teacups and what not." Tears began to roll down my face as his words grew harsher and his actions more violent. Shaking me and pulling at my blood-red hair he began to shout, "And your mother thought there was nothing wrong with it! It's abnormal I tell you and when we get home." he shook his head in disgust at me, " There will be hell to pay." After slamming my head back against the seat he drove toward home.  
  
Terrified out of my wits I froze where I was, and remained that way the entire three-hour ride home. Rash thoughts began to pound through my head; "Maybe I could open the car door at the next red light and run away." As if reading my mind though, he spoke, "And don't think about getting out of the car Lily dear. The child lock is on an your door can only be opened from the outside"  
My name seemed like a curse word on his lips as he spat those ill- fated words at me. The only solace I could find was that we would soon be home and once there, my mother would make everything all right like she always did. Our black Honda pulled noiselessly up the drive to our three- floor house.  
Once the car stopped my hand immediately reached towards the handle. A split second before I pulled I remembered what he had said about the child protection lock. I tried the door anyway. To my great surprise it opened, and I immediately sprinted up to the drive and into the house. Upon hearing the door open my mother came into the hall and opened her arms as I fairly ran into them.  
At 5'5 I was less than two inches shorter than my mother was. She was a gorgeous brunet with green eyes that you could lose yourself in. I had inherited my fathers wavy auburn hair and fair complexion, while getting my mothers mesmorisingly green eyes. When I began to cry on her shoulder she stiffened in surprise and asked gently, "What's wrong sweetie?" her voice reflecting the amazement she obviously felt. "Arnold. He, he h-hit me and yelled at me calling me a freakish b-bitch!"  
She hugged me even more tightly before releasing me and turning to face the door. I turned as well and saw Arnold standing casually in the doorway. My luggage was on the floor beside him. He obviously didn't want anyone to have an excuse to go outside.  
"What the hell did you do to this child!?" My mother demanded. "Grace you might want to keep your voice down or you'll wake up Petunia." She started to yell again but he cut her off and said, using that same oily sick voice of his, "I think you'll do as your told." And suddenly I saw the gun tucked into his jacket pocket. He reached in and pulled it out. Knowing very little about guns, I still understood when I heard a clicking sound, that the gun was loaded. " Now I think that we will go into the living room and have a nice little chat." When she had seen the gun, my mother had stepped in front of me as of to screen me from view. Upon hearing him, she turned her back on him, placed one hand on my shoulder, spun me around and pushed me gently toward the directed room, all the while saving me from the sight of that awful gun.  
  
I wanna thank everyone that reviewed and here comes the list:  
  
Roxy-punk-princess- thanks for the review and I'm sorry if I confused you, I'll try to unconfuse you. Willow23- thanks for reviewing the story and I hope that my next update is much longer. LeatitiaVia- thanks for the review and I think my next update will be now!!  
  
Sorry if the chapters are short. School tends to get in the way of things but I'll try to make my next chapter at least twice as long (I'm not making any promises though!!) And again PLEASE review it helps me to know where I'm screwing up, as I don't have a beta-reader. Thanks to all of you who reviewed!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	3. Rescue

Disclaimer- I am J.K Rowling, love my work and review!!!!!!!!!! Oh and by the way if anyone actually believed that I would so start crying anyway....... onto the story. Oh and does anyone actually read these? OMG I'm so sorry I just realized that I messed up. When Lily comes home it's the end of her sixth year and she's about to start her seventh and finale year. Sorry if I confused anyone!!!!!! And by the way I decided to continue this chapter until something good finally happens to Lily. Well it's kinda good........  
  
Chapter Three (Yeah I updated!!!!!)  
  
"Now let's get something strait here," he spoke in his softest voice, the voice that made the hair on the back of my neck stand one end. That voice sent shivers down my spine and caused me to have to resist the urge to run from the room screaming and then crawl under my covers and never come out. It froze the bravest of souls and caused even the bravest person to cower.  
  
I trembled slightly as I looked into those cold, emotionless eyes. My mother however continued to glare at him even after we sat down on the slightly worn white sofa. I broke eye contact with him and stared down at the rug, which depicted a scene of running wolves moving swiftly through the woods. He continued to speak and I shivered once again.  
  
"This is not a discussion, this is not a debate, despite the fact that I used the word chat. What I am about to say is law as well as anything I say in the future. From now on there is not argument from either of you. You both will do whatever I say without question. Am I understood?"  
  
I could tell my mother had been about to laugh but she controlled  
herself and coughed instead. After a moment or so when no one spoke  
Arnold continued,  
  
"Good" he then smiled his most disgustingly indulgent smile and I felt  
like throwing up  
  
"So basically if I tell you to jump the only comment I want to hear coming from your lips is 'How high?' And as for you Lily dear, you will never go to that crackpot school of yours again. I don't give a damn that you only have a year left. And now that you both understand I'm going to bed and you Grace are coming with me." His voice hinted at his real intent.  
  
"Go to hell" she stated in disgust. In an instant he had slammed his fist strait into her face and she collapsed onto the ground. I screamed and jumped up to help her.  
  
"No Lily don't! Stay where you are!" Mom yelled. I froze and my eyes stopped seeing black just long enough to watch Arnold grab my mothers brown hair and violently pull her to her feet. I saw the pain she was in and once again tried to help her but as soon as I neared them Arnold back handed me strait into the wall. When I could finally hear again I listened as Arnold whispered maliciously,  
  
"It's you or her. I'm not picky." With the force of the glare she sent him, Arnold should have been knocked dead a few times. "Fine" she snapped, "May God strike you dead for the inhumanity you have committed today."  
  
"Lily, go to your room now before I change my mind and decide to fuck you instead!" His words once again sent my skin crawling and I shot a petrified look towards my mother before I fled to my room. After I locked my door I threw myself onto my double bed. Tears streamed down my face with the force of a rushing waterfall.  
  
"Why is he doing this? Why is he acting this way?" In rage and pain I threw my pillow across the room. I buried my face in my hands and cried harder. Looking up I glanced around my bead and found my stuffed bear Hope. I hugged her to my chest and started to shake. I began to quiet myself only when I heard him dragging my mother passed. Suddenly I heard her cry out in pain.  
  
"Get up." I heard him command, "Now." His voice was completely heartless and cold. A few moments later I heard the door slam. About a half-hour later I finally arose from my dreamlike state. Frozen with panic, but driven on in spite of my fear by my guilty conscience, I quietly unlocked the door and slipped out. Running through my mind was still the question, "Why? What have we done to deserve this?" All of a sudden I heard a sharp crack, similar to the sound of someone disapperating.  
  
"No," I whispered and tears anew, ran down my face. I sprinted towards the master bedroom as fast as I possibly could screaming "No" at the top of my lungs. As I was passing Petunia's room the door opened and she stepped out with puzzlement on her face and a question on her lips. "What the hell?!?" Ignoring her I continued my flight down the corridor. Not even bothering to stop I slammed into the door. Taking no notice of the pain I began to pound on the door with my fists all the while screaming,  
  
"You shot her didn't you? You evil bastard I cant believe you shot her! Your not fit to live on this world!!!!!!! I hope that you die a slow and miserable death. I wish that someone would just come and kill you! You should be shot for breathing!" I was rambling by this point with tears streaming down my face. I didn't even realize when Arnold opened the door and I was pounding on him instead. Once it registered in my mind I began trying to punch every part of him that I could reach. He simply pinned my arms to my side and picked me up.  
  
Turning he showed me my mother. Her face was as white as a ghost (I know that line is used way to much but I really don't care) and if it hadn't been for the blood staining her body I would have thought that she would jump up and hug me again. Once I started screaming I couldn't stop. Arnold, however, quickly figured out how to solve that problem and promptly threw me into the wall. The door opened, I hadn't realized Arnold had shut it until now, and Petunia walked in. Her eyes scanned the area curiously until they rested upon the bed. She began to scream bloody murder as well, as she turned away from the tragic sight of our mother, lying on the bed in the gruesome position of death. Arnold suddenly turned from me and with the gun in his hand commanded Petunia, "Stop. Now." His voice carried no hint of a threat. After all there was no need with the gun in his hand.  
  
"Now go over to the other side of the room and sit with your sister." Like the coward she was Petunia obeyed. If I had been able to move I would have charged Arnold and killed him any way I could have. The thought of stealing his gun and shooting him with it was a very tempting thought. She began to whisper over and over again "Oh my God" until she finally started to whisper the Lord's prayer. I stared at her in shock and momentarily forgot to plan ways to kill Arnold. We had never gone to church a day in our lives and I didn't even know the first line to it and yet here was my sister reciting the whole damn thing.  
  
"Shut up" he commanded eyeing Petunia with every sign of distaste written on his face. "The police will be here soon-"  
  
"And then you'll be arrested like the piece of shit you are" I shouted at him in my shaky voice.  
  
"Quiet bitch. When they get here you will tell them that you saw your mother with a gun in her hand and started to scream. That will explain the screams." He paused for a moment, temporarily thoughtful. " I then ran up the stairs and started wrestling with her for the gun. Unfortunately, I was unable to control her and she squeezed the trigger. And fell backwards onto the bed. And that will explain my fingerprints on the gun." He seemed satisfied with that story. Unable to stop myself I retorted,  
  
"Well what about your fingers on the trigger, jackass. The only explanation I can think of for that is that you fucking killed her!!" He walked across the room and kicked me strait into the stomach telling me to "Hold my tongue." He then proceeded to kneel down next to me and pull me up to his level as I had been bent double from the pain and said, " I will say this once and only once so listen carefully. Stick to the damn story because if you don't then you will be very sorry indeed." His voice was malicious and I could tell that he was dead serious.  
  
Three days later Arnold came home drunk. After he had gotten full time custody of me (Petunia was already 18) I was on the verge of suicide. At the time he came home the house was empty, other then me, and I had been on the process of changing my eminem CD to my evanescence one (yes I know those CD's did not exist at the time but I don't care I like them and I also like Good Charlotte, Christina Aguilera and Toby Keith and yes I am an American and damn proud of it!!!!!!!)  
  
As the lyrics to going under came on I heard him stumble up the stairs and wished that he could have just been stabbed at that bar he always goes to. I walked over to the door and turned the lock. I trembled in fear as I heard him try the door. Slowly I backed up until I hit the corner of my room. Sliding to the ground I hugged my knees to my chest.  
  
"Unlock this door!" he raged in a slightly slurred voice, "If you don't open this damn door..." he threatened. I shook more violently then ever. I'm going under. He stopped raging and for a second I heard no more noise from him. Suddenly I heard a loud slamming noise and my door was kicked of its hinges. In his drunken haze he looked at me several times before recognition hit him.  
  
"You stupid bitch I told you to open that damn door but no your to much of an ignorant dip shit to do that. I can do to you exactly what I did to your mother." A sick smile lit his face as he remembered the events of three days ago.( A/N I do not know how to make his voice sound slurred so just imagine it for yourself) The insane look in his eye told me that what he was saying was true and even more importantly that the thought was on his mind.  
  
He slammed his fist into my face unexpectedly and I swear I heard my nose break. Suddenly Arnold left and I was relieved partly because that meant he couldn't hurt me anymore and partly because I couldn't stand thinking about him let alone being in the same room as him after what he had done to my mother. At the thought of my mother, my beautiful, intelligent mother my tears doubled in strength and my body began to shake.  
  
Upon hearing footsteps I looked up and what I saw made my skin crawl. (I was gonna stop here but I decided not to be mean and I did promise that something good would happen to Lily first) Arnold had returned with a rope in his hand. I put my hand over my mouth and decided that now would be a perfect time to become more religious.  
  
"Oh my God. Oh my God. Please help me..." my voice trailed off as Arnold flipped me onto my back. Just as fast he pinned my knees with his and tied my arms together and then attached the rope to the foot of my bed. I jerked as violently as I could, to no avail. "You'll enjoy this wont you? After all who would ever want to fuck you?"  
  
An hour later he walked from the room and I was sore as hell. He had left bruises all over my arms, legs stomach and on every inch of skin I had. Blood was staining the carpet and I was unable to get up as Arnold had left me tied to the floor. I laid naked on the floor for hours until I heard the front door open. Half from humiliation and half from the fear that it was him, I remained motionless.  
  
Footsteps in the hallway caused me to jump and renew my attempts for escape. My heart began to beat as fast as a hummingbird's. "Lily I just wanted to tell you..." It was Petunia and I had never been so relived in my life to hear her voice.  
  
"Lily! What happened to you? Are you okay?!?" her voice was one mixed with alarm and shock. She rushed to my side and untied the knots that I had been unable to. Gingerly I stood and almost collapsed from the pain. Limping, I finally reached my dresser and gently pulled on some sweats. During this whole time she had made no move to help me.  
  
"Well?" she demanded. "What happened?" I just stared blankly at my wall for a few minutes. Finally I whispered, "He raped me" and I immediately broke down crying. Petunia let me cry on her shoulder for a few minutes before saying, "Lily. Lily! Stop crying. You knew this was going to happen. If only you had listened to me in the first place than mom wouldn't be dead, Arnold wouldn't have turned like this and you wouldn't have been raped. This is your fault and yours alone. Always remember that."  
  
"W-W-What?" I asked my chest heaving.  
  
"If you hadn't become a freak then none of us would be in this predicament right now. You will have to deal with that for the rest of your life. You are the reason mom is dead. You are the reason Arnold is insane. You have gone against God and for that you will pay." She paused for a moment. " Anyway I just came to tell you that I'm moving in with Vernon." Her voice was as cold as stone. And with that she left.  
  
"Oh my God. She's right this is all my fault." Guilt laid on me so thick that I felt like I couldn't breathe. "I don't deserve to live. Arnold was right to rape me. I deserved it. I deserved everything that happened to me." It made no difference to me that at the time I accepted being a witch and going to Hogwarts I had not known that this would happen. I walked into the bathroom. My eyes scanned the room and I quickly found what I was looking for.  
  
Dumbledore was pacing his office at Hogwarts. Something was wrong. Something was not quite right he just couldn't put his wand on it.  
  
"Accio looking glass." He whispered. A small silver and gold mirror flew into his hands. Around the edge was the inscription "Something is wrong. Something is not quite right. Stare into me and I will help you to put things right." Dumbledore shook his head slightly at the inventor's lack of rhyming skills.  
  
He stared into the reflective surface for several moments while watching his reflection wink and smile worriedly up at him. The usual twinkle was missing from is eyes. Suddenly the picture swirled until a redheaded girl of about 17 came into focus.  
  
"Oh no..." Dumbledore murmured. The looking glass fell to the floor as Dumbledore rushed over to his beautiful red and gold phoenix. "What we need now is to get over to the Evan's house immediately." With a fiery flash Dumbledore and Fawkes disappeared. Laying abandoned on the floor the looking glass showed the image of a young girl, white as a sheet, with one, thick, red line on both of her wrists that perfectly matched the color of her hair.  
  
"Enervate" she heard a kindly voice whisper. Wait. She heard she shouldn't hear she should be dead. "No" Lily moaned. Opening her eyes she saw two blue ones shining down with worry at her.  
  
"Lily are you all right?" Despite how obvious the answer to this question was he still felt he had to ask it. Of course she wasn't all right and she probably wouldn't be for quite some time. She glanced up at him with a blank stare and asked desperation tingeing her question" Why are you here?" She closed her eyes and buried her face into her arms.  
  
"I came because I was needed," he said simply. "No you weren't," she thought," No one needs me and I'm not wanted. I assisted in a murder." When she didn't speak out loud Dumbledore continued, "I felt that something was wrong and this just confirmed my suspicions. When I entered your home I met a man who seemed err... drunk and I'm sorry to say I had to stun him." He spoke in his soft, quiet voice, which seemed to calm even centaurs.  
  
"Don't be" Lily muttered. He looked at her with knowing eyes and told her, "Lily I think it would be best for you if you came and stayed with me for a while." While he wasn't entirely sure if that was the best thing for her, he knew that she was in pain, both physically and emotionally and he was not about to trust her in the care of another.  
  
"Why are you here?" she asked "Why do you care?" she was frustrated that she couldn't finish the task that she started.  
  
"Because I am and because I do care." Dumbledore spoke in his softest and most reassuring voice.  
  
And now I'm done yeah go me!!!!!!!! Ok now please everyone who reads should review. Thanks to all who reviewed: Anna: I hope this is a better one for you. Thanks that you like my story so much. Roxy-Punk-Princess: glad that I could unconfuse you SpangleDaCanary: Why is my story so confusing? Oh well anyway thanks that you liked my review and put me into your intro.  
  
Well thanks again to everyone who reviewed and I think that everyone else should as well. Lol. I'll update as soon as I can. But the sad thing is I'm only supposed to be on the computer for an hour at a time so its kinda hard for me to update. Sorry about that. By he way I think there was some confusion. This story is NOT over I will continue it and Arnold will suffer. 


	4. New Problems

Disclaimer- I am so not doing this again. Well at this point in time I still do not have Internet access but I felt like writing anyway. Oh and I think I've discovered why everyone is so confused. In the first chapter Lily has a flashback and is still currently in her flashback. I will tell you when she comes back to the 'present'. Thanks to all who reviewed and anyone who actually reads my story should read SpangleDaCanary's story because it's about ten times better then mine. There will be L/J in this chapter. And hopefully Arnold will suffer. No promises though.  
  
She continued to look up at Dumbledore with blank unseeing eyes. Knowing that she would be unable to respond he muttered a nifty little charm that automatically packed everything that she would need. In that way it was actually better then manual packing as it was impossible to forget anything.  
  
"Lily I believe that it is time for us to go." He gently took her arm and helped her up from her position on the ground. Unable to say anything she simply nodded her head.  
  
"My stuff?" she questioned in a dull kind of way, which showed she didn't really care. "It's already been packed and placed in the room in which you will be staying." She looked up at him with confusion in her eyes, as she hadn't really paid any attention to what he had been saying.  
  
"Which is where?" He sighed knowing that she would be upset because she would know that there was no way she would possibly be able to kill herself if she stayed with him. "At my house." And sure enough understanding flickered through her eyes before they became dull and glassy. Again she nodded her head before she simply looked at the ground and refused to meet his eyes again. Sighing for the second time he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wand and a bright, blue scarf with neon yellow broomsticks.  
  
"Portugus" he stated loudly and clearly. "Here Lily. I need you to grab hold of a part of this scarf. She did so and suddenly they were jerked foreword and for a split second darkness ensued.  
  
Opening her eyes she glanced up and for the first time got a look at Dumbledore's house. (Has anyone ever described where Dumbledore lives? I've never read a story that did.) Quite frankly she was shocked. She had never imagined Dumbledore's house before but if she had it would not have been like this. It was a simple two-story house with a perfectly symmetrical yard. A gravel path went strait through the center of the bright green, perfectly cut grass. The path lead up to a small brick porch with a black rail surrounding it. The house had a new looking brick front with two wide windows on each floor. Simple yet elegant described the house and if she had thought about it she would have thought that it suited Dumbledore. He looked simple yet when you looked closer at him and got to know the real man you saw that he had a hidden power, which you always wanted on your side. The only thing that really surprised her was the lawn. She would have guessed that there would be more plants and it would be less rigid and orderly.  
  
"Come this way Lily." His voice still remained soft and concerned as if he were talking to a frightened creature. He led her up the gravel path and through the mahogany door. The inside of the house seemed much like Dumbledore's office for what little of it she could see. He continued to walk leading her to what appeared to be a guest bedroom. Perched on top of the dresser was her snowy white owl. During her first year she had named the owl Prongs because of its sharp claws. When she had realized that James had adopted it as his nickname she had tried to change it but the owl refused to be called anything else even going to the point of biting her every time she tried. So to her frustration her owl remained Prongs.  
  
The room, like almost everything else, was simple. There was a double bed in one of the corners, a closet, a desk and a dresser. The walls were a light tan color and the carpet was beige. Almost overlooked in the far corner of the room was a chocolate brown chair. Lily hesitatingly walked into the room and sank onto the bed. Drawing her legs into her chest she began to cry uncontrollably. Dumbledore watched helplessly until he decided that there was nothing for him to do and he left.  
  
Once outside he took a deep breath and tried to remain rational. In his mind there was no greater atrocity then what had been done to her. Mentally, emotionally and physically this child had been abused and he knew that she was beginning to realize what he had always told people. Death is not the worse fate a man or woman can suffer. If she thought the only way to end her suffering was suicide then he knew her recovery would be hard, almost impossible. In his moment of calm he placed several spells on the door which would warn him if she tried to run away or harm herself.  
  
Lily awoke the next morning slightly confused. The night before she had not gotten a good look at the room and therefore when she woke she had been a bit perplexed about her whereabouts. She stood suddenly in a rage as she recalled the events of the night before. "He had no right to stop me! I'm not his responsibility and besides it's not a school year yet." She muttered and raged the about the professor until her anger burned out and she merely wondered what would happen next even though she didn't really give a damn about what would happen next.  
  
Author's Note: The flashback thing is over even though I'll come back to it later so you will know about her therapy. But until then all you need to know is that by the time the school year comes Lily is mostly ready to go back and of course she and James are the head students. To spite James after his constant hate of Malfoy she goes out with him. And now onto the story, where we find Lily in the bathroom once again ready to kill herself. Yes I know she does this way to often and hopefully she'll stop soon.  
  
James' POV:  
Humming to myself I climbed the stairs to get to the heads room. Lily had been made head girl and I had been made head boy, we shared a suite and a bathroom. Life was going great except for the slight Malfoy problem. I knew he wouldn't dare try anything or hurt her though. He knew I liked her and he also knew that if he so much as laid a hand on her I would personally kick the living shit out of him. For some reason though I couldn't quite place why the situation made me uneasy, it just did. Shrugging it off I said the password to Pegasus, the guardian of the heads room, and walked inside.  
  
Still humming to myself I walked into my room and laid down on my bed thinking of ways to kill Malfoy and how to get Lily into my arms. Suddenly I stiffened and strained with my ears to figure out what I was hearing. It sounded like crying. I grabbed my wand and stood. I pinpointed the sound to the bathroom and gingerly walked into the head common room and then turned left to find myself face to face with the bathroom door.  
  
I tried the door but it was locked. I knocked but there was no response. "Lily? Are you in there?" Still there was no answer so I used the Alohomora spell and the lock clicked. Silently I opened the door and slipped inside. My eyes darted around the room and I soon found her lying near the shower wrapped in a towl, crying with a razor on the ground by her wrist.  
  
"Oh shit" I whispered. I knew what that meant as one of my previous girlfriends had been suicidal and a razor was her preferred method. I practically ran to her side. Reaching her I knelt on the floor. Startled she flinched and looked up at me with tear stained eyes. My heart practically broke at the sight of her. I pushed a piece of hair gently out of her eyes and wished there was a way that I could just take all of the pain she was feeling and just bare it myself.  
  
I reached down and grabbed her wrists, one at a time, and checked them out. They were perfectly fine. I could however see that they had been cut before. I exhaled the breath I had been holding and realized that I had never felt so relieved in my life. "What's wrong? What happened?" I asked desperate to find a way to help her.  
  
"Malfoy." She whispered weakly. I suddenly knew what had happened. Anger filled my veins and I felt rage on such a magnitude that I knew I had no right to feel it on such a level. "That bastard." I whispered vehemently. "I'm going to kill him." I took her in my arms and to my surprise she didn't pull away.  
  
"I'm going to kill him. I'm going to fucking kill him." I raged. I tightened my hold on her and gently kissed the top of her head. I was clue less as of what to do next. A thought came to my head, "Lily I'll be right back. Okay?" She glanced up at my face and somehow I could tell that she didn't want me to go. "I'll come back as soon as I can." Slowly I unwrapped my arms from around her lithe frame and stood. Quickly I walked from the room and into mine. I raced to the side of my bed and found my school bag. I practically tore it apart until I found what I was looking for.  
  
Gripping the mirror with my hands I practically shouted Sirius's name into it. Suddenly his face came into view and he seemed irritated. "You know I was trying to sleep and suddenly I hear your voice shouting in my ear. What a great way to wake up." I was in a foul mood and I could not deal with anyone right now. "Well guess what? I don't give a damn that you were trying to sleep. Malfoy just." The words caught in my throat and I couldn't finish. My hands squeezed the mirror tightly in an effort to calm my anger that was not interested in being calmed.  
  
"Lily was." again I couldn't finish my sentence. Sirius's face lit up in understanding and he swore. "Holy shit James. I'll get Remus and we'll be up there in a few minutes." I nodded and Sirius disappeared. Dropping the mirror I sprinted back towards the bathroom and Lily. She was still in the same spot and did not appear to have moved. "Remus and Sirius are coming. You might want to get dressed." I suggested gently.  
  
She nodded but still did not move. I picked her up and carried her into her room and placed her gently on the bed. "Thank you." She whispered. "I'll be right out." I nodded and left. A few minutes later Lily walked into the common room dressed in pajamas and to my surprise she slid gently into my arms. She buried her face into my chest and began to cry. I still didn't know what to do but I wasn't about to leave her alone. There was no way in hell.  
  
Lily's POV:  
I shivered in his arms and I felt him hold me tighter. For some reason it just felt so right to be this way with James. Despite my recent ordeal I felt remarkably calmer just by having him near me. Even for that brief instant that he had left I had felt so cold and alone. The portrait opened and I jumped startled, my heart hammering like mad. My second best friend Remus walked in closely followed by Sirius.  
  
"Sirius told me what happened. Are you okay Lily?" his voice was calm yet layered with worry. His long muscular legs crossed the room quickly and his brown eyes reflected his every emotion. Strong quiditch arms encircled me, much to James annoyance.  
  
Sirius's chocolate brown eyes sparkled with a murderous desire and his strong beater hands clenched into fists. His black hair fell into his face but there was no mistaking that look. I almost felt bad for Malfoy. Oh hold on, wait, no I didn't. I felt touched that even though Sirius and I were barely friends he was still upset that I had been hurt. Of course he also had probably just been looking for an excuse to get pissed off at Malfoy.  
  
The portrait opened and again my hold body tensed. Remus and Sirius turned with their wands raised and James stood up and placed himself between the portrait and I. Peter and Jessica stumbled through the hole. "Oh Lily. Peter told me what had happened because I had asked what was up with the marauders and he said." She paused and took a deep breath. "So I made him tell me where you where but he wouldn't so I followed and slipped in. Oh Lily. Poor poor Lily." Tears flooded her eyes as she pulled me into a large bear hug.  
  
James POV ("I'm sorry I was getting annoyed with Lily's POV)  
  
I watched Jessica practically smother Lily with her hug and then turned to Peter. He flinched. "Let me get this strait you would tell her what had happened but not where Lily was? Peter listen to me just for a second. If you tell a woman something about her friend, her best friend, and its about them getting hurt don't ever expect them not to find a way to get to them. And why the hell did you not tell her where her best friend is? What did you think she was going to go tell Malfoy the password or something." I was pissed off and since I couldn't get to the one I was pissed at Peter was going to have to do.  
  
"Please tell me what was going through your head at that moment." "I-I thought t-that you would want to be alone with Lily." He stammered. "Um let me see. Having you, Remus, and Sirius here is not exactly being alone now is it? And do really think that I would hit on Lily after what happened. Please tell me your not that thick. Or are you?" I shook my head in disgust and turned back to Lily. I felt my face soften and at that moment I realized that I had never truly known what an angel looked like until then.  
  
"James just because your mad at Malfoy doesn't mean you should take it out on Wormtail. We do not turn on each other." Remus cautioned. I just shrugged. "Remus is right you know." I heard her soft voice whisper. I sighed knowing that she was right. I ran my fingers through my hair. "Look. I'm sorry Wormtail it's just I feel so helpless and I know I shouldn't take it out on you I'm just pissed right now."  
  
(Yes I know I should be mean to Wormtail it's just that if I make them too mean then it will kinda make them seem like a Malfoy or something and then Wormtail kinda would have more justification to turn them in and we wouldn't want that now would we? And besides Sirius once said, "Then you should have died as we would have done for you." Or something like that.)  
  
"So you listen to Lily but completely ignore what your best friend has to say?" he asked in a mocking tone. "Yep that sounds about right." I agreed. A shadow of a smile appeared across my face. He smiled back at me and pushed his sandy brown hair out of his face. "You know all three of you have hair issues." Lily stated. "Now Lils is that the way you talk to your bestest best friend." Sirius pouted giving her his best puppy dog eyes. "Last time I checked you don't have long hair, hold on I meant you don't have hair that goes past your shoulders nor are you 5'5, you also don't have brown hair and blue eyes. Lastly, you are not a female that goes by the name of Jessica. And I think you weigh more then 125 pounds." Sirius laughed as Jessica shrieked,  
  
"Lily! They did not need to know that." Lily just laughed slightly and to me that sound was literally music. But I also knew that her laughing only meant that she was blocking what had happened.  
  
A half-hour later Lily and Jessica had fallen asleep from exhaustion. "All right so what are we going to do?" I glanced up from staring at Lily and spoke, "We need to tell Dumbledore." Sirius glanced up in surprise and for once Remus looked dumbfounded but I could tell he agreed with me. "We need to do what?" I could tell I was in for a fight. "You heard me. I said we have to tell Dumbledore." I was really not in the mood for this. "That's what I thought you said. What happened to we deal with our own and leave the damn school administration out of it?" he was rightly suspicious of officials having once tried to tell the police that his family abused him and they simply ignored him after they told his parents of his allegations. He still has scars from what they did to him after he got home.  
  
"What happened is that Lily got involved. She is not part of the marauders therefore we cannot treat her as such-" "Oh so she's suddenly better then us?" I glared at him. "I did not say that Sirius and you will never hear me say that. All I'm saying is that we have to treat this differently." Sirius opened his mouth for an angry retort but Remus cut him off saying "He's right Sirius. Were more or less used to attacks, Lily's not. And besides we have never had an attack on this level. She was raped for crying out loud Sirius." Sirius seemed to be having an internal debate with himself and finally said, albeit reluctantly, " Fine but we tell Dumbledore only." I nodded in agreement.  
  
Peter who had stayed mostly out of this conversation before now asked "What about Lily? Why aren't we asking her opinion?" "Because Peter she probably wouldn't want to tell anyone and then Malfoy wont get what he deserves." He nodded in understanding. "When do we go to talk to him?" Remus wondered. "Tomorrow. I would go tonight but I don't want to leave Lily."  
  
"What I want to know," Sirius said speaking for the first time in several minutes, "Is why she went out with that jackass in the first place." "I don't know." I shrugged " He might have coerced her I don't know."  
  
"He didn't coerce me James. I went out with him of my own free will." She spoke so quietly I almost missed what she said. I walked over to her side, knelt beside her and said; "It doesn't matter now Lily. Don't worry about it." She struggled to sit up and protested, "But it does James. It does matter." I dearly loved the way she spoke my name. James not Potter. Life was good. I decided I should probably focus on what she was saying rather then how she said my name.  
  
Tuning back in I heard her say, "I did it. I did it to spite you. I thought it had only been a prank when you said that you liked me. I thought as soon as I said yes to you, you would laugh in my face. So in order to show you that you can't manipulate people I went out with the one you hated most. And I also did it because part of me thought that you wouldn't laugh in my face you would just use me and then discard me like you did the rest of the female population you've dated. And then another even smaller part of me thought that you actually did like me like you said but I didn't want to like you because I had still thought of you as arrogant and self- centered. So in order to try and get over you I went out with Malfoy because he hated you and I had hoped that some of it would rub off on me." She spoke quickly and quietly as if hoping that I wouldn't hear.  
  
"I'm sorry James. I-I didn't know you then like I know you now. You've changed. Your not arrogant or self centered anymore and you've proved that you actually care about me. I'm so sorry James I shouldn't have done it and I know that this is my fault. I actually do care about you and I'm deeply sorry for what I did."  
  
"Now Mrs. Evans you really need to stop taking responsibility for others actions. Nothing excuses Mr. Malfoy for what he has done this night." So many people jumped that it looked as if they were on a trampoline. I looked at him in shock wondering how he knew and why he had chosen this time to come. Now I had to wait to tell Lily that I wasn't angry with her I was actually elated that she had feelings for me. Scowling I listened to Lily talk to the professor and what I heard froze my blood.  
  
"How did you know to come?" she whispered as if dreading the answer. "After the summer incident I placed spells on you that would detect and then inform me if you were going to try suicide." He spoke just as quietly and seemed to be trying to block us from the conversation. "You did what?" her whole demeanor seemed defeated and I wanted so much to hug her and tell her that it would be okay.  
  
Right, see now I have no idea what to do. Writer's block I really hate it. Ah well it should be gone soon. Until then or if you have any ideas REVIEW!!!! And you know what I decided to update this today even though I'll probably get in trouble.  
  
Thank you to: Pottersprincess: I'm glad you like my story!!! Yeah!!! Bluechica: Yes I think Dumbledore should always come to the rescue since he always seems to know how to fix things. And of course to SpangleDaCanary: Her story's rock!!! And if you hadn't read it then you should go read it right now. It's called Sirius and the Reflection of life. Yes I know I like to make everything dramatic. Sigh it's my curse. Please, please review I will love you forever if you do. 


	5. Surprises

Authors note: I have no idea what to write. I wish I could just push a button and have a whole bunch of ideas pop into my head. Sigh, whatever here goes nothing...(literally)  
  
(Lily's POV):  
  
Well my life was great, just great. Dumbledore didn't trust me. "Well you did prove him right." A voice in my mind whispered. "Shut up" I told it in response. I could only imagine what James thought of me now. I had just tried to commit suicide and he must have realized that I'd tried it before too. The look of horror that must have been on his face killed me. Before Dumbledore had come he must have thought me an ignorant, childish, brat with vengeful qualities. Now he probably thought me a suicidal, ignorant, childish, brat with vengeful qualities.  
  
I stared in terror at Dumbledore before burying my face in my hands. Without looking up I asked, "Then why didn't you come earlier?" My voice had a harsh quality to it, "If your so damn smart with your all your high level spells tracking me, then why the hell didn't you come earlier?" Looking up I saw James flinch at what I had just said and to the headmaster no less. Now we could add psychotic bitch to the list of how crazy he thought I was.  
  
"I didn't come earlier because I knew James was here with you and as long as he was here I knew that you would be safe while I contacted the Ministry of Magic." His voice was calm and there was no trace of anger in it. I wish there had been anger because right now I so just wanted to yell at him, to scream at him, to allow him to see just how hurt I was. But I didn't, I simply sat there my mind going blank and all of a sudden I just didn't care what was going to happen next. I really didn't care; I just wanted it all to end or to just have someone tell me what to do instead of thinking for myself.  
  
I nodded and not really caring asked, "And why did you contact the Ministry of Magic?" He looked strait at me with those eyes that seemed to go right through you and answered, "So that Mr. Malfoy will get what he deserves." James stood up from his spot on the ground so fast I thought he had tried to sit on something sharp.  
  
"Professor! You can't do that. Then the whole Ministry would know. That violates every privacy law in existence. You can't do that to her!" he seemed very defensive of me even though he thought me to be a psychotic bitch who was an ignorant, childish, brat with vengeful qualities. Well, okay maybe he didn't think me to be quite so bad. "If you do that then the whole school will know and then she wont have a moment's peace."  
  
"Somehow I doubt that Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin and yourself would allow for that to happen. I also will not go forward with this unless I have Miss Evans approval. The only wizard who knows about this is Mr. Moody and I know for a fact he would die before he gave up any information."  
  
James looked slightly abashed before saying, "Oh. Well that's all right then I suppose." And then he sat on the floor and stared at the carpet as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world. "I leave the decision of whether or not to do anything in your capable hands Lily. Though I must say that I urge you to take action, and Alastor agrees with me. I do believe that he is currently thinking up curses for the Malfoy family. His current one is to turn them all into bouncing ferrets." His blue eyes twinkled slightly at these words.  
  
Sirius burst out laughing at the thought. "Can you picture that? Malfoy the bouncing ferret. I would give all the gold in Gringotts to see that!" He sobered a little and said "But I suppose that the ministry would probably put their foot down on that one. Oh well, it would have been great though." He smiled and at the moment he looked for all the world like the Cheshire Cat.  
  
My gaze shifted to James and I saw him look quickly away. I hadn't realized that he had been staring at me. So maybe he still liked me after all? I shook my head to clear these thoughts. What was I thinking? Of course he didn't like me. After all those times I had told him to get a life and that I would rather go out with the giant squid, his feelings towards me would definitely be limited.  
  
I sighed. "Oh well" I thought, I would get over it eventually. But at that moment in time I would have done anything to take back all of those horrible things I had said to him. It wasn't as if I had hated him, I just never wanted to risk having my heart broken. Especially after Cedric had torn it into a million pieces.  
  
"Why the hell am I thinking about past and present love right now?" I wondered to myself in amazement. "Well I guess when life goes crazy all you can do is go crazy with it. And I really need to stop talking to myself." Shaking my head slightly I glanced around the room.  
  
Jessica was still sleeping on the couch. I swear that girl could sleep through a murder. Lupin was sitting on a chair with his face in his hands shaking his head. Somehow I knew he wasn't laughing at the bouncing, Malfoy ferret. James was staring blankly into space with a murderous look on his face. I could only imagine what he was thinking. Most likely he was plotting ways to kill that bastard Lucius Malfoy. And I knew he had the power to do it to.  
  
Sirius was sitting on the ground next to Jessica with his head on her knee. It was a well-known fact that he liked her but as soon as he got in her pants he would drop her. He never actually did anything other then send her flirty looks at breakfast though. I figured that James probably had something to do with that. It was also an equally well-known fact that she had a thing for Remus. I had seriously considered going to Remus and talking to him about it. But I valued my life too much because I knew as soon as Jessica found out she would kill me.  
  
"Well now I will leave you five to your lives and go to inform the staff." He turned quickly and walked out of the room. I sighed in exasperation. "What's wrong Lily?" His voice was gentle and concerned. "I will never be able to look McGonagall in the face again." I saw him stand and cross the short distance with his long legs. "It'll be okay Lily. I promise you that." And then with his strong arms he drew me into a tight embrace. I had never in my life felt as safe as I did in that moment.  
  
"I'm so sorry James. I shouldn't have treated you like I did. It was wrong, mean, and selfish of me. I'm so sorry. Could you ever forgive me?" I was crying now at the thought of James reaction and how he would recoil from me and look embarrassed. To my amazement, however he simply held me tighter and said, "Lily dear there is nothing to forgive. I got over everything you said about me a long time ago." "Yeah Lily if Prongs here got upset every time you called him a name he would at this moment be locked in a room crying to himself wearing a strait jacket." James pulled back slightly and looked me in the face. He pushed a strand of my blood red hair behind my ear and whispered to me," I will always care about you Lily no matter what."  
  
(3rd person)  
  
"Aww.. Isn't that sweet? Anybody have a tissue? I think I might start crying. Boo-hoo." Malfoy sinister voice seemed to echo about the room as he stood cockily by the portrait that guarded the entrance to the head's house. Remus's head snapped up and James stood so fast that he half carried Lily with him. Sirius drew his wand and Jessica finally woke up. Stretching and yawning she asked, 'What's going on..." She froze in mid sentence as her eyes alighted upon Malfoy.  
  
"You jackass!!!" she screamed. "How dare you show your face?!?" And with amazing speed she ran at him and he was knocked to the ground with her on top trying to punch every bit of him she could. When he regained his senses he punched her in the face, knocking her of him in the process, and yelled, "You stupid bitch!!! Get your filthy mudblood hands off of me!" And to the amazement of everyone in the room Remus sprinted towards the portrait, grabbed Malfoy by the collar and slammed him against the wall. He punched him strait in the face and raged, "If you ever touch her again with your filthy hands I will personally kill you myself!!!" Punching him again he shouted, "Do you understand me?"  
  
James finally spoke. "Um... Remus don't you think that's my job to be punching the shit out of Malfoy right now?" His voice was one mixed with shock and slight anger. Sirius sighed and spoke, "Um people if we half- kill Malfoy he could get away with rape." When everyone one ignored him he sighed again and shouted the paralyzing spell to Remus, James and Jessica. As Lily hadn't really been fighting he left her alone.  
  
When Remus fell to the floor Malfoy raised his leg as if to kick him. "I don't think so Malfoy cause if you do that then I'm going to unpetrify James and Remus and let them deal with you in their own way. Which I don't think involves a trip to paradise. Now get the hell out." His voice was calm and deadly as ice. There was no remorse in his eyes and Malfoy actually felt a little afraid. But he couldn't leave it like that so he said, "Bye Lily, darling I'm afraid I'll have to meet up with you on another night." Before quickly walking so Sirius didn't get the chance to curse him.  
  
Scowling Sirius performed the counter curse on Jessica and the turned and did the same to Remus and James. Remus immediately stood and went over to Jessica. "Are you okay?" he whispered softly placing one hand on each side of her face. "I'm fine." She whispered closing her eyes as if afraid to open them for fear it would turn out to be a dream. Sirius was grateful that Remus wasn't upset but he knew it would be the opposite story with James.  
  
And sure enough he came at him and in a harsh whisper asked, "What the hell was that about?" Sighing Sirius spoke. "I think I just saved your ass from going to Azkaban." "What the fuck are you going on about?" James demanded in outrage. In a calm cold voice Sirius spoke again, "If I had let you go, what would you have done? Killed Malfoy right?" Unable to speak due to suppressed frustration James simply nodded. "And I know that you are the only person in this castle who would say that and actually mean it."  
  
He glared at Sirius for a moment before turning at the sound of quite crying and in the process completely forgetting about Sirius and the uncontrollable anger he felt directed at him. At the almost broken look he found inside of Lily's eyes he felt his heart breaking. The murderous desire he felt towards Malfoy seemed to increase ten-fold. She was lying on the couch stretched out and she suddenly buried her face in her hands.  
  
When he reached the couch he gently pulled her hands from her face and held them in his own. Rhythmically he massaged them and slowly ever so slowly she raised her shockingly green eyes to meet his hazel ones. The desire to kiss her then and there almost overwhelmed him, but he fought back the urge and whispered, "Shh Lily. Shh. It's all right now. I promise you the jackass is never gonna hurt you again let alone come near you because if he does I will personally kill him. You have my one hundred percent guarantee on that." More tears slid from her eyes as she nodded and buried her face into his chest as he wrapped his arms around her and drew her into a tight embrace.  
  
Remus POV  
  
"Are you okay? He whispered gently placing his hands on either side of her face. He could see that one of her eyes was starting to turn a sickly yellow color and that made his blood begin to boil again. Even though Remus had been slightly surprised by his actions it wasn't all together surprising, he had known that he had always had feelings for her but he would never admit it to himself. Until now. "Sirius is going to have a field day," Remus thought wryly before realizing it didn't actually bother him as much as he thought it would have. For the last six months Sirius had been trying to convince Remus that he had more then friendship feelings for this girl. Even going to the point of asking her out and following her around every where she went, in an attempt to make Remus jealous. "I guess I always thought that anyone I would ever love would be bound to leave me the moment they found out what I was. I just wanted to protect her," he sighed. "What?" Jessica whispered softly. Her mere voice sent shivers down his spine and, he sighed thinking, "If her voice makes me lose control I wonder what would have happened if Sirius hadn't petrified me."  
  
Gently, he brushed a strand of brown hair behind her ear and spoke quietly, "You're so beautiful." She smiled and said, "Your not so bad yourself handsome." He felt his breath catch in his throat and found it difficult to draw in air. With his heart hammering like mad, he leaned in slightly and placed a simple chaste kiss on her lips. She gasped in surprise and for one terrified moment he thought that he had offended her. And then to his delight she smiled and placed a kiss on his lips in return. With an escalating passion he responded by slipping his tongue into her mouth. He heard her moan into his mouth and began to run his hands under her shirt before being interrupted by a cough.  
  
Reluctantly breaking away from her lips Remus turned to find Sirius looking at him with a knowing expression on his smug face. "And Remus I thought you didn't have any feelings for this fair young lady and that she was only a friend to you." Sirius mocked in a fake shocked voice. "Go to hell Sirius." Remus muttered before turning back to Jessica and once sliding his tongue back into her mouth. "Love you to Remmy." Sirius said in a fake hurt voice.  
  
Jessica broke away and whispered, "Remmy, huh? I like it" Remus was about to protest until she caught his lips in another passionate embrace and lightly ran her nails across his back. Gasping he whispered back, "Remmy'll do just fine."  
  
Sirius POV  
  
Chuckling to himself Sirius backed off and allowed the two to have their semi-private moment. Suddenly he realized Wormtail was gone. He'd been since about the time James had apologized to him. Frowning slightly, Sirius decided to go look for him by himself as everyone else seemed slightly 'occupied' at the moment. Pushing his way past he portrait, he decided to check the kitchens first, as Wormtail hadn't eaten dinner he might have been looking for a late night snack.  
  
On his way down he heard a whispered conversation. Wondering who might be about this late at night, he stepped closer. Two people were standing there wearing long black cloaks with the hoods drawn up. Both seemed to be on a mission and were very jumpy. Because he couldn't see the faces he decided to focus on the voices instead. "He said to meet him right around here somewhere..." one voice whispered in confusion. "I'm right here you fools." Sirius heard Malfoy's voice sneer before stepping out from behind a curtain.  
  
Sirius took a step back in distaste. Deciding that this might be worth over-hearing Sirius stayed. He also recognized that the first voice he heard had been Snape's. "So that only leaves the short one unidentified," he mused. (the short one as you have probably guessed is Wormtail and Sirius doesn't recognize his voice because Peter is disguising it. Just trying to stop flames before they come and now to the story...) "S- sorry M-Malfoy. We didn't s-see you," Sirius heard the pathetic voice stutter.  
  
The voice seemed vaguely familiar but he couldn't quite place from where he had heard it before. "I gathered as much." Malfoy stated arrogantly. Snape stepped in, "Why did you want us to meet you here?" "I have new orders from the dark lord." Sirius stiffened in disgust and horror. "I knew those jack asses had to be part of something sinister." He thought. "Well what are they? We haven't got all night you know. Someone's bound to come along and hear us sooner or later." Snape hissed. "Careful my dear Severus someone's going to think you're afraid."  
  
Sirius could practically hear Snape sneer in disgust at the comment. "Well to calm your fearful little heart we have orders to keep tabs on the mudblood," Malfoy said with extreme distaste in his voice. Sirius leaned in closer hidden by the wall. He cursed himself for not having brought the cloak. "Who the hell are they following?" he muttered darkly. "What you mean the Evans girl, Potter's new fling? I thought you took care of her." Snape snapped in annoyance. Sirius's face twisted into one of horror.  
  
"I did." Malfoy snapped back. "Well obviously not well enough if the dark lord thinks more still needs to be done. What pathetic attempt to break her did you use?" Snape drawled. "I raped her dip shit. What the hell else do you think I did?" "Knowing you it could have been anything." "Well as much as would love to stay and chat with you Severus I don't have time and all I have left to say is that these are the dark lord's direct orders: "Break her. I don't give a damn how you do it. Just do it and do it quickly."  
  
"What does the dark lord want with a filthy little mudblood?" Snape asked in wonder. "How should I know?" Malfoy said sharply. "The dark lord doesn't waste his time explaining his orders to me. But I do know that if we fail there will be dire consequences. He did, however, mention that it had something to do with Potter. Now I think that we could probably use you." His voice had turned thoughtful and sinister.  
  
There was silence for a moment while Malfoy seemed to be deep in thought. Finally he spoke saying, "No we can't risk that. When you finally do show your true colors it'll be for something much more important. Severus and I will deal with this on our own and come up with ideas tomorrow. Farewell." And with that Malfoy was gone as suddenly as he has appeared.  
  
Grumbling to himself Snape walked off down the opposite corridor and the short man turned towards Sirius. With his head bent down it was impossible to make out who it was, all he could tell was that whoever it was, was trembling violently. For fear of being caught Sirius ran off in the direction of the head's tower to warn Prongs.  
  
Barely stopping, he practically screamed the password to the portrait. Grumbling something about, "Inconsiderate hooligans wandering around the school at three in the morning... no respect. What is the world coming to?" before reluctantly swinging forward on his hinges to allow Sirius to enter. Swiftly he ran up the stairs looking for help only to find Remus curled up under a blanket with Jessica in his arms and James on a couch with Lily in his.  
  
Muttering to himself he woke Remus whispering, "We've got problems." Wide awake in an instant Remus leapt catlike to his feet, all without disturbing Jessica, who still lay sound asleep on the floor. "Get James." Sirius said before beginning a conversation with himself and collapsing into a chair.  
  
James POV  
  
I felt like I had just fallen asleep before being roughly awakened by Moony. "Get the hell out of my face Remus." I muttered angrily. "Something's up Prongs. Sirius just came running up here and is acting like the hounds were after him." In spite of my anger directed towards Sirius, I still got up. Albeit, a little slower then I normally would have. Gently I slid my arm out from underneath of Lily before jumping off the couch, careful not to wake her.  
  
Looking around I saw Jessica laying on the floor with a blanket pulled over her. Deciding it was a good idea I pulled the one off the back off the couch and did the same to Lily. Tucking the sides underneath of her I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Lover boy come on we have things to do." I laughed quietly. "Your one to talk Moony. I saw you with Jessica."  
  
He grinned sheepishly before changing the subject. "Come on I think Sirius is about to have a heart attack over there." Glancing around I saw Padfoot sitting in a chair talking to himself. I headed over there. "So traitor what's up?" I asked only half jokingly. Flinching as though I had branded my wand at him, he looked up. "James I can say I'm sorry for what I did because I'm not. I for one don't want to see Malfoy get away with what he did." When he put it that way I felt slightly guilty for what I had said to him. "But that is not the point." And with that he drew in a deep breath and began to speak rapidly.  
  
Lil'Angel1011: Yeah well I finally updated. I'm so proud of myself. Lol. Thanks for reviewing my story I'm glad that you like it!! I hope you review again!! Lol  
  
Sugra- glad you like my story and that you think there just like the movies. I feel so loved.  
  
LuthienGranger2004- Things will get better for Lily, trust me. I also think that in my story I'm gonna find a way for Lily and James to come back after they die. Thanks for reading my story. Vic- glad you like my story I hope you like the update too!!! 


	6. Conflicts

I don't own harry potter at all, even though sometimes I wish I did. Anyway please read and enjoy. Sorry I haven't updated sooner and I promise I wont ever not update for that long again.

Conflicts-Chapter Six

I guess that I had finally fallen asleep on the couch with James arms wrapped around me. I woke and wished that life didn't have to be so damn ironic with little twists and turns in it that drove your mind crazy everyday and sometimes drove you almost to the brink of insanity. I wanted so desperately to come away from that. It was no way to live and in my heart I knew that but somehow my brain hadn't quite caught up yet.

I saw James with Sirius and Remus discussing God knows what, but somehow I knew it wasn't quidditch that had them hunched over in a fierce conversation. I hated being the center of attention, in a light that had me painted as the victim. When I was younger I couldn't understand why people hated to be pitied, but now I understood. It put a sick feeling in your stomach to know that you couldn't deal with a situation on your own and had to bring other people into it. Stewing it over in my mind I realized that I couldn't be here anymore, there were to many memories and I needed to be able to think things through without someone telling me it was okay to be upset.

I stood silently and wished that I knew where James's invisibility cloak was. On tiptoes I crept to the entrance of the heads room and stole silently out. I thanked the Lord that none of the guys had been facing the entrance when I slipped out. I knew I was taking a chance but I decided I to risk it. Malfoy would not be waiting for me, as he would expect James to have me under lock and key for the next month. My favorite place in the castle was a rooftop right off the astronomy tower and to my knowledge not a soul knew of that place, so I considered myself fairly safe from prying eyes.

The castle was fairly forbidding at this time of night and every now and then I thought I heard a noise behind me. I shrugged it off thinking that if it were Filch's cat then he would have to take it up with Dumbledore and somehow I doubted that he would give me a detention in regard to recent events. I finally reached the roof and as I sat on the flat rooftop I felt myself calm and for the first time I felt myself smile, a true and genuine smile. The crisp breeze ruffled my hair and I felt and inner peace inside myself.

"It has been wayyyyyyy, way too long since I came up here." Talking to myself had always made me feel better in the past and today was no difference. For three hours I sat on the rooftop just thinking about life and things that could happen. The one thing that worried me the most was the chance that I could become pregnant. In the end I decided I would deal with that aspect when or if it came. I was due to having my period in the next week so I would know then. In reference to school tomorrow I decided I would go to class and as luck would have it, face McGonagall in Double Transfiguration with the Slytherins.

"Ah well at least James will be there." I was about to stand when I heard a soft voice whisper, "How about I be there now?" I was so startled that I jumped too close to the edge. I was never in any danger of falling but James hand shot out just the same and tightly grabbed my wrist almost to the point that it hurt. I winced and he let go as soon as he had drug me a good five feet further away from the edge.

"James I think you were more afraid of that then I was." I said slightly mocking him. He just shrugged.

"James Potter!" I stated sharply, suddenly regaining my wits. "How long have you been there?"

"Nice way to repay someone who just saved your life." He stated dryly.

"First off I wouldn't have jumped if you hadn't come and even if you hadn't been there I still wouldn't have fallen. I wasn't close enough to the edge. Second, how long have you been there?"

"How long I've been where?" James asked evasively.

I didn't say a single word but just glared at him until he finally caved and said "I've been with you since about three seconds after you left. I was gonna just go talk to you but Remus said you would probably want some time by yourself so I decided just to make sure that you were all right."

I groaned in frustration. "Damn it James! I'm not some little kid who can't take care of herself. I happen to be seventeen and I do not need you to baby-sit me." I saw him flinch and for about half a second I felt bad for yelling at him, and then I realized I was still pissed off at him for following me like I was a fragile doll, that was going to break at any moment.

"Lily before you decide to unleash that red-headed temper on me, please hear me out." I glared at him for the stereotype and nodded my consent. "I love you Lily and I am not about to let anything happen to you." Those three words that every woman wants to hear had no effect on me, as I knew that he didn't mean it and didn't feel it. I was very bitter about love at that moment and I wasn't ready to hear anyone say that to me.

I groaned in frustration. "Damn it James. Damn you! Couldn't you have just followed me and not said anything. I really wanted to be by myself and not have to depend on anyone for support but now you just show me that no one thinks that I can take care of myself because for one moment I allowed myself to be weak. And then everyone else found out and decided they needed to protect me. Well, news flash James I don't need a stalker following me around right now. What I need right now is just a friend who is going to help me get over it not keep reminding me what a weak person I am." I was starting to cry by this point.

James POV

I saw her starting to cry and I felt the anger that had been inside of me fade away. "Look Lily" I started. "I'm sorry for following you. And I'm not saying that you can't take care of yourself I just don't want to risk you even having to defend yourself because your under enough stress as it is. I also don't think it's a good idea for you to start classes again tomorrow."

She fought with me for a while about it, but in the end she gave in. But, she said she was going to school at least by next week and I had a feeling that I was going to have to fight with her about attendance every day of the week. In spite of myself I agreed that if she felt up to it I would raise no objections about her going next week. But this week I was making no promises. She didn't say anything but merely stared over the grounds of Hogwarts.

"How can a place that holds so much beauty and life also house such evil. I'm not even talking about 'the incident' but the fact that there are so many death eaters here. Half of the Slytherin house is made up of them and somehow I wouldn't be surprised if there were traitors in the other houses."

Seeing her shiver I placed my cloak over her shoulders before responding, "I don't know Lily. But without evil there can be no good. People are still out there fighting them. Dumbledore, the teachers and my family as well as all the other aurors." This conversation suddenly reminded me of the conversation I had with Dumbledore earlier that day.

Flashback

"James I would like to ask you something." He spoke in such a sincere voice, and I noticed that the usual twinkle found in his eyes was gone, and that he looked for the first time in his life like an old man.

"Anything." I responded, instantly mimicking his sincere manner.

"If right now you were face to face with Malfoy what would you do?" For half a second I thought he was kidding. The look on his face told me otherwise.

"I guess I would just punch the shit, sorry sir, out of him and then curse him with as many curses I could possibly think of." "Why?" He asked it so simply that I paused before asking, "Excuse me sir?" "Why would you choose to physically hit him rather then only using your wand?"

"I guess because it's faster then drawing my wand and thinking of a spell to use. Umm, no offense sir, but why are you asking me this?" His line of questioning genuinely intrigued me and I was curious as to where this was headed.

"I know that both your mother and father are currently Aurors and work in the Department of Mysteries. And as you are in that family I know that you are aware of the truth about the rising of Voldemort and that his powers are growing to extraordinary levels and the tide of the war is about to turn in his favor." I nodded. "Yes sir I am aware of that."

"Then I have one more question for you. We would like you to join the Order of the Phoenix." I was shocked. "You, your asking me to join the Order?" "Yes I am." Still shocked I could only ask, "Why?" He sighed deeply before speaking, "For two reasons James. The first is because you intrigue me and I believe that you will be a valuable asset to the Order. The second reason is because we need the people. It's as simple as that. Normally we would until you were out of school but I honestly believe that we do not have the time. Our ranks have been thinning increasingly for the last few months and we need the support. So what do you say James? I know that you want to be an auror once you get out of school, which of course can be arranged."

"It would be an honor sir to do anything I could to help the Order." "Very good. I also have one favor I would like to ask you." "Anything." "We would also like the rest of your fellow marauders to join as well and Lily." I smiled, "Of course Sirius, Remus and Peter will want to join." I paused, "Umm, sir did you say Lily?"

Dumbledore smiled slightly before responding, "Yes James. I did say Lily." "Umm, no offense sir but why her?" Yeah Lily was good at hexes and charms but actual fighting, this recent event just made it more clear that this wasn't something she could do or was good at. I wasn't insulting her, like I couldn't cook to save my life she just couldn't fight.

There was a bemused smile on his face when he answered, "Lily has a hidden strength James, which you know nothing of. She's stronger than you think." "I'm sure she is sir, but do you really think she can handle this?" "I do," he said simply and in such a way that I knew the conversation was over. I sighed and rose to leave. I was almost to the door when he spoke. "Oh and James. If you don't ask her, I will." I walked out without responding.

End flashback

Third person POV

"Lily." His voice was so soft that she could barely hear him. He put his arm around her shoulders, rested his head on hers and sighed. "What is it James? What's wrong?" He sighed again before saying, "I spoke to Dumbledore today." "And...?" "He asked me to join the Order." She gasped. "Are you serious?" "No I'm James, but he got invited to." She punched him lightly for the much-overused pun. "Hey! But yeah I did get invited."

"That is so awesome. I wish I could be a part of that. I would give anything to see Voldemort fall." Her voice became wistful and she trailed off. James stared at her in shock. "Are you serious? I thought you didn't like to fight. And when did you start saying Voldemort's name?" "James did you miss all of out fights that we have had over the last few years? And I have always said his name because I have never got the point of being afraid of a simple name."

All he could do was stare in shock. When he got his voice back he spoke, "Well here's the thing. Dumbledore told me to tell you that you were also invited to join the Order." He looked into her eyes and he saw a sudden surge of steel in them. "If you don't want to I'm sure Dumbledore will understand." He added hastily. "No I want to James. I want to do this more than anything else in the world. He needs to be stopped. So many people are being killed from both world's, that if we don't end this than Voldemort is going to be he only survivor."

"If you're afraid or anything than I'm sure he would understand and he wouldn't make you do any of the front-line activities." He seemed to be oblivious of what she was saying as he was so sure that she wanted to help but wouldn't want to do any risky stuff. "No James I am not going to sit behind a desk and type papers for you. I want to fight and do everything I possibly can to bring that man to his knees." The hardness in her voice surprised him but he just thought, "Oh well, she'll do it for a while and then realize that she can't handle it. Hopefully she doesn't get anyone killed in the meantime." Realization suddenly hit her and she spoke,

"You don't think I can do it, do you? You don't think I'm strong enough to fight in the rebellion do you?" "Lily that's not what I meant-" "Then tell me James what did you mean by, 'If you're afraid or anything than I'm sure he would understand and wouldn't make you do any of the front-line activities.' What was that supposed to mean James if it didn't mean that you thought I couldn't handle it."

"It's not that I don't think you can handle, I just didn't think that you would want to." He lied. She glared at him and he suddenly felt something akin to fear. It was then that he realized that she would be a formidable opponent when challenged. He ignored this thought as ridiculous and focused on what she was saying.

"You are a lying bastard. I can see it in your eyes. You think that I'm just a toy that's going to break at any second and needs to be guarded against all possible threats." This news devastated her. She had thought that she had finally found someone, other than Jessica, who thought her to be capable of anything. But no James thought her to be a weak coward. She shook her head in disgust. "Goodnight Potter." She said ending the conversation before walking off the roof and back onto the astronomy tower.

He groaned in frustration, watching her leave. That was not how that conversation was supposed to go. "Why the hell did she get so angry? All I did was tell her the truth. I wasn't trying to insult her." He sighed in anger. "Women they get so uppity when you tell them that they're not good at things. On the bright side they always get over it the next day and apologize for getting upset over nothing." It never occurred to him though that Lily would not be getting over it any time soon. Sighing for a third time, he donned his invisibility cloak and followed her to make sure she was okay. This time though, he never revealed himself to her.

Lily Pov

She ran as fast as she could to the heads room, tears streaming down her face. She said the password to the portrait and ran straight passed Sirius and Remus to her room. Sirius reached out a hand to grab her but she twisted free. "Lily! What wrong? What happened?" Remus shouted after her. She ignored him and slammed her door shut and didn't even hear Remus and Sirius questioning James about what happened.

Looking around her room she saw her wand on the side table and grabbed it. She muttered a silencing charm on the room and locked it with a powerful spell that Alohomora would not be able to break. Knowing James he would still be able to get in but she didn't care she had to try something because she could not stand another conversation with him tonight. She threw herself into her bed and cried herself to sleep.

Upon waking she noticed a house elf carrying a tray full of food. "You didn't need to bring that up here. I'm going to eat breakfast in the great hall." "Mr. Potter told me that you are not allowed to do that and that you are to remain here." The small being said. She could see the creature was nervous at the thought of having to detain someone. "Good for him I'm going to eat down stairs." She glared at the creature as if to make her point when all of a sudden his demeanor changed. He no longer looked nervous and instead he seemed to emanate a certain powerful magic. "Mr. Potter told me that I am to do everything in my power to keep you here until he returns after his lessons this afternoon."

She had never heard a house elf speak to her like that before. For one it seemed to speak English better than James did and it also seemed to be threatening her. She felt fear grip her before she shook it off. "James does know that this could be considered kidnapping right?" The elf did not answer. She sighed, "Fine. What's there to eat?" Once again he seemed to change and this time he answered like a servant and gave off a list of the foods she could have. "That sounds excellent." She said aloud while inside she was thinking, "I'm going to kill James." "Umm, can you turn around for a minute? I just want to get dressed real fast."

The elf gave her a curious look and asked, "Why do you need to get dressed? Your not going anywhere for a few hours." A sudden thought occurred to her. "Your James's house elf aren't you?" It nodded. That explained a few things because the school elves were taught that all students were masters and to listen to everyone equally. "Anyway, I just wanted to because I never lay around all day in my pj's." It nodded once more and gave her a curious look before turning around. Silently, she sighed in relief. She went over to her wardrobe and pulled out the traditional black school robes, put them on and then walked as quietly as she could toward her bed and grabbed her wand. Suddenly she felt a level of magic surround her that she had never felt before. It was coming from the elf. He turned toward her.

"Drop the wand. I am under strict orders that you are not to touch it." The glare he sent her mimicked her own and she almost quailed under it. Her eyes flashed and she said, "In hell." Her eyes glared and she felt a sudden surge of strength that didn't feel like hers. She saw a flash of red light streak towards her. "Protego!"(sp? I couldn't find it in the books) she shouted. Her shield sprung up half a second to late but luckily she only caught some of it. It was enough to knock her off her feet though. She felt the blood trickle down her face. Her anger increased tenfold as she thought, "This is all James's fault and I'm going to kill him." Without her noticing the shield surrounding her body seemed to increase and began to glow a deep blue. "Stupefy!" she yelled at the top of her lungs, all her magic seemed to pool together into that one spell.

The spell worked and she stood there shocked for a moment, and in that calm she felt her shield slide off. Suddenly she realized her magic was gone. "What? First I stun a house elf and now I have no magic. Oh." She understood. It took so much magic to stun the elf that she was drained. She hadn't even know that it was possible to stun them. Shrugging it off she went to check if the door was open. To her relief it was, if it hadn't been then she would have been stuck with one very pissed off house elf when it woke. As she walked through the door she couldn't shake off the feeling that something was very wrong.

James POV

Smiling from a joke Sirius said, James looked towards the entrance hall. To his surprise he saw Lily standing there. She looked at him and he flinched at the anger he saw in her eyes. She looked away, spotted Jessica and went to sit by her. He got up feeling his own anger starting to rise. When he reached her, he calmly asked, "I thought you were going to stay in the heads tower today since you aren't going to classes. And what happened to your head?" he asked glancing at the blood drying on her face.

"I have news for you Potter. I am going to class today." "You were raped on Saturday and you decide that your going to classes two days later? Besides you told me you weren't going to." He saw the fire in her eyes and was almost afraid of the next words she was going to say. "Well Potter guess what I lied. And second," Jessica looked between the two and James could tell she was afraid of what was going to happen next, she seemed to be quite familiar with Lily's temper, "I almost _didn't_ make it thanks to your house elf who is the reason that I'm bleeding." He gave her a confused look. "House elves don't attack people unless they're directed to by their masters." "Is that a confession?" she cocked her head as she looked at him.

"What are you talking about? Are you saying my house elf attacked you? And stop calling me Potter. I thought we were passed that." "And I didn't think a friend would send a house elf to keep me hostage in my room. So therefore I don't think you deserve a first name."

"I didn't send my house elf to hold you hostage. I only told him to ask you to stay there until classes ended and I specifically told him not to try to keep you there against your will." He gave her a confused look that was laced with anger. "Well than why the hell did I suddenly find myself fighting a house elf who looked like he was about to kill me and told me that he was under strict orders not to let me touch my wand and not to let me leave my room? Please clarify then to the unconscious house elf in my room if he was wrong. Maybe he misunderstood your orders. And I'm still not sure how he got into my room as it was locked with a really strong spell."

Still confused about what happened he said, "House elves are extremely powerful magical creatures that can draw on their masters powers if they let them. Hold on wait. You said it was unconscious?" At her vicious nod he demanded, "What spell did you use?" "The Stunning Spell. Why?" "Because it is impossible to stun an elf with that spell. Trust me the Ministry has tried many times." She gave him a confused look. "Well I did and if you want proof there is an unconscious elf upstairs that you can look at. Now I wanna know why you sent your house elf to keep me there and I know it was you because house elves only answer to members of the family in which they are bound. James I'm not stupid, it was you. Unless one of your family is here and they did it." She scoffed. "But that is highly unlikely."

James's skin suddenly went ghostly white. "Give me the map Sirius." He handed it over and James snapped, "I solemnly swear I am up to no good." The map revealed Hogwarts and James saw a small dot in his room labeled, "Harold Potter." "No." he whispered. "Please God no." His worse fear had come true and he had no idea what to do next.

I wanna thank all my reviewers and I'm sorry it took me so long to write and sorry about the cliff hanger but if I didn't leave one it would be harder to start writing again and I promise I wont leave it this late again. Also just so you know I'm going to take this to present time, eventually, since I'm gonna find a way for James and Lily as well as Sirius to live. I already know how I'm gonna do it to. Well thanks to everyone who hung in there and I'm sorry this is kinda plotless and one of my worst updates but I will definitely make up for it in the next chapter.

NatsterSugerRush thanks for reviewing my story, twice no less. I'm glad you like and I think yours is awesome too as I'm currently in the middle of it.

Iamaiceskater08- thanks for reviewing I hope you enjoy this update as much.


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